During one of our sessions last week, Ray really made me pause and reflect on a pretty tough question:
When did I decide that I was going to be okay with being fat?
I realize in typing this that it’s hard to understand the way the question was delivered, but it was a genuine kind question. Ray even prefaced it with a “I just want to fully understand because I know it will help me coach others.”
I think my commitment and progress these past two months has shown him the type of person I am in most areas of my life – goal focused, driven and consistent. The fact that I hadn’t put this type of energy on myself was probably now more surprising because he’s gotten to know me better.
But I still had to answer the question. When did that mental switch happen?
I couldn’t answer it right away. I knew there had to be a moment where I just decided this was my body’s fate. The chubby, fat, obese girl who loves fashion and make-up and is the best cheerleader for any fitness event (just not ever a participant)!
So I decided to go back and look at some pictures to see if the visuals would help me pinpoint the when or the why.
I came across some hysterical flashbacks!
I realized I really was the chubby girl for quite a long time. Yes, I had weight to lose, but I didn’t start crossing in to the obese category until I became an official adult. When I got my first job.
And realizing that sort of blew my mind. I was clearly prioritizing things differently and most of it did not involve moving my body. I focused on professional achievements, learning how to manage my finances and just figuring out every day adult shit.
At some point along the way, I obviously decided that my growing waistband was just part of whom I was meant to be. Was I happy about that? Of course not! Did I think I could really do much about it? Not really.
I honestly thought that all my repeat efforts had been enough work and that my lack of success was a sign that I couldn’t reach the vision of the girl I saw in my head. So I settled.
Thankfully, I have a few amazing people in my life who don’t let me settle and know that with the right strategy, I can be forced to reassess my current situation. I’ve clearly now realized that I am capable of making this change if I just put the focus where it needs to be, stay on task to reach my goals and maintain consistency.
Those three steps have worked for me in every other aspect of my life so I’m not going to fix what’s not broken. Tried and true….here we come!