I know this post is long overdue. I imagined coming back and celebrating the achievement of my election goal while talking about the progress since I last wrote. Well, unfortunately there has been no progress to celebrate, and I got a much needed scolding by Ray last night.
You see, my break turned in to a month long “vacation” of doing nothing.
Thankfully, I have not put on the weight I lost during this break but it’s not for lack of trying. Because when I say break, I mean a total break. I haven’t really watched what I’ve been eating, and I’ve definitely only been on my elliptical a handful of times since November 2nd. Sure, maybe I’ve already trained my body to make better choices overall which is why I haven’t gained weight, but I definitely indulged far more than I should this past month.
But why did I take this break? We all deserve a moment to relax and enjoy success, right? After reaching my goal weight and winning my election bet, I treated myself to a piece of delicious pie at my favorite local bakery. I had earned the right to indulge a bit so I did.
But then I just stopped completely.
Was I injured, no?
Was I busy? Unfortunately not as I had been laid off a month before.
Was I frantically interviewing? Not really…as the holidays impacted interview time availability.
The only explanation I have for the total stop is that I probably was a little more bummed than I care to admit over being laid off. You see, I don’t have the type of personality that stresses about things for too long. I’m very rational, and I take all moments in life as learning opportunities and/or fate. Being laid off sucks (especially when you loved what you were doing), but I told myself that it must be a sign that I got too comfortable and needed to push myself more. I thought I really believed that, but I think my subconscious needed more time to wallow than I allowed….so I think I just stopped lots of things. My house became a disaster zone, and I stopped participating in the one thing that I was so very proud of for finally achieving.
The funny thing is that I’m actually having a really great week personally (and potentially professionally), so I had already started to feel energized and was in the process of getting my shit in order (at home) when Ray checked in. The minute I saw it was him, I cringed because I knew I was going to have to tell him that I had done nothing and it would disappoint him. I made a promise to him and myself that I would never lie, so my stomach sank.
And then it happened…I had to tell him the truth.
Tears rolling down my face as I responded. I know how much he has invested in me, and I know this is a shared experience. I had earned his trust to work out on my own ages ago, and now that I was feeling like myself again, I was afraid I had lost it. We had a tough but good conversation. He hasn’t given up on me nor has he lost trust in me….we just needed a plan.
I know that I need to hold myself more accountable and that posting about my journey really helps. I’m still down 40 pounds but I still have a long way to go. It’s time to remind myself that there is always a day one. The key is to not stop fighting for that day one to help you begin again so let’s get back to this journey!