I apologize for missing a post yesterday. Comcast had an outage in my area so I wasn’t able to log on all day. Unfortunately, the outage didn’t happen tomorrow on day one with Ray so I’m going to have to proceed with day one of the workouts!
My last post talked about how I’m getting nervous. Well, I didn’t know what nervous even felt like until tonight. The minute I got confirmation about what time we’re meeting and what I needed to prepare for my first workout, my stomach plummeted. I have to admit that I’m actually a bit scared.
The craziest thing about all of this is that I’m not generally a scaredy cat. I have this general belief that failure teaches you something about yourself. However, when it comes to all items related to fitness, I feel almost paralyzed.
Will my trainer think I suck?
Will I embarrass myself?
Will my trainer judge my tight workout clothes (i.e. judge my body)?
Maybe this paralyzing fear is due to the fact that I’ve already failed for so long. I don’t want the confirmation that I couldn’t do something on my own. I’m an independent gal who prides herself in not “needing” others to accomplish her goals. But really, I’ve always had help to achieve things (teachers, mentors, friends, etc.) so what makes me feel like I need to do this on my own?
I’m being COMPLETELY irrational and I know it! I know I’m not the most obese person in the world and probably much more capable than many people who are starting a fitness journey. However, I can’t get out of my head tonight. I’m pretty sure I’ll be tossing and turning all night until I officially face my demons in the morning.
I’m hoping that getting through day one will make these jitters disappear (or at least help lessen them significantly).
I have to keep reminding myself that I can’t be afraid of something that I haven’t tried, let alone something that can’t actually hurt me.
I’m so used to being competent at most things that it’s messing with me mentally that I haven’t been able to get this one thing right, and that I’ll have someone “judging” me this time around (like all of you reading this post).
Epiphany #2: I’m afraid to fail….again.