In my initial consultation discussion with Ray, I had an epiphany.
I don’t like to consider myself a very competitive person by any stretch of the imagination. I’m a girl that loves teamwork and one who doesn’t need to be the star of most things. I prefer to work hard and be taken seriously for my effort than to be applauded for my leadership.
However, I realized that my hate for exercise classes has EVERYTHING to do with competition. Do I want to be the best in class? Nope! So why am I so uncomfortable in most classes?
Well it hit me like a ton of bricks. My internal dialogue is so fiercely competitive that I halt my final target! I get very angry when I can’t keep up in a class. I will mentally shut down and I will pretend to not really care as I giggle externally.
Speaking my truth here = It’s an awful feeling.
I’ll leave classes feeling completely deflated and never go back. This defeats the purpose of trying it out in the first place. I’m supposed to be encouraged to try again and build up my stamina, but my brain immediately goes in to shut down mode.
Some of you are probably reading this and telling me to get over it…to suck it up…and to go back! But why should I? I’m not a masochist!
And don’t get me started on trainers that yell at you! I’m a grown up – there is no need to treat me like a child. I think it’s disrespectful and completely not motivating. Yelling at me does not work – it has an extreme opposite effect. I’ve actually walked out of classes that used the yelling tactic five minutes in. You don’t get to scold me like a child – EVER!
I know this is a mind game that I need to stop playing with myself, but until I cross that hurdle I need to focus on what types of classes I have enjoyed because there have been some.
So what classes have I enjoyed?
Yoga, Zumba and Dancing!
I’m a decent dancer, so it’s natural for me to jump in to classes regardless of the difficulty level. Can I do every move? Of course not! However, I know that I can stay on beat and move around with confidence (even if the move is a bit off).
Yoga, however, is my true love. I love hot yoga and traditional yoga. I think a lot of it has to stem from the fact that I have been reasonably flexible my whole life. So even though I can’t do all the moves, I have faith that the more stretching and breathing I do, I’ll get there. It may even take me weeks/months to get there, but my history with yoga is enough to teach me to have patience with myself and to be okay with not doing the advanced level of a move.
I’ve realized that what is most important to me is to feel competent and successful at the end of a class. I just want to feel like I passed the class – even if it’s at a C-average.
I don’t need to be the best, but I do need to feel like I belong!